The Pacifier is Hiding

My three-year old has had a pacifier since day 1. She was definitely co-dependent on it and refused to give it up. Even when I’d say don’t you want to be a big girl she’d reply with the cutest face, “No mommy I’m a baby.” The fact that she could articulate that, made it obvious that it was time to let it go. Then our daycare provider made us leave the pacifier in the car once my daughter turned 2 1/2. So she was going from 7:30-3:30 without a pacifier.  My husband was adamant about her keeping the pacifier at home until she’s ready, but he said if she lost the last pacifier we had it was over, no more pacifiers. One day I was in the shower and when I got out my daughter was watching television in my bedroom with no pacifier. I kept asking her where it was because it was almost time for bed. I then told her that the pacifier must be hiding from her to make it into a game. She had no idea where it was and then her dad starting looking frantically. I, on the other hand was calm and secretly excited until that night…She was the worst sleeper for about 2 weeks, but things got better and now she’s fine. This made me wonder what is my pacifier? What things, emotions, feelings am I holding onto that need to leave. When other people look at me they see that I am too mature for certain things and I recognize it too but as a comfort, I want to hold on to my “pacifier.” Whatever my “pacifier” is from complaining to unforgiveness,  it has to go! Many of my friends and family thought I hid my daughter’s pacifier and I’m going on the record and saying I did not hide her pacifier. I’m glad it’s gone though! But I am responsible for the negativity that you will see disappearing from my life! I am totally responsible for those disappearances with the help of the Lord!!

Let the Walls Fall!

I have experienced so much pain in my life so in my defense to keep that pain from happening again I built many walls that act as defense mechanisms. Once I was healed from some of the pains I allowed my walls to crumble to the ground.  At first I felt naked and afraid because of my vulnerability. I knew that because my walls were down there was a possibility that I could be hurt once again but somehow I felt so free and liberated. I never knew that my walls/defense mechanisms actually had me in bondage.  I learned that it was harder to have the walls to prevent being hurt than just dealing with the pain itself. It is much easier said than done because I have had the defense mechanism for many years and it was engrained in me that I needed to guard myself. I learned it takes work to hold up the walls but dealing with the pain is a little easier. I realize that the walls are debilitating and crippling to me instead of helpful. So LET THE WALLS FALLS!!!