I have experienced so much pain in my life so in my defense to keep that pain from happening again I built many walls that act as defense mechanisms. Once I was healed from some of the pains I allowed my walls to crumble to the ground. At first I felt naked and afraid because of my vulnerability. I knew that because my walls were down there was a possibility that I could be hurt once again but somehow I felt so free and liberated. I never knew that my walls/defense mechanisms actually had me in bondage. I learned that it was harder to have the walls to prevent being hurt than just dealing with the pain itself. It is much easier said than done because I have had the defense mechanism for many years and it was engrained in me that I needed to guard myself. I learned it takes work to hold up the walls but dealing with the pain is a little easier. I realize that the walls are debilitating and crippling to me instead of helpful. So LET THE WALLS FALLS!!!
I was in a training for sexual assault victim advocate training and the trainer emphasized that sexual assault can lead to PTSD. She continued to explain that sometimes with traumatic events people tend to push things down and not deal with them, but the things that happen in our pasts are always there, lurking if not addressed. The analogy that I visualized was like a beach ball that you are trying to hold under water. Sometimes pushing the ball down seems to make us feel better even though it is a strenuous process. You can push it down, continuously but it always eventually slips and manages to pop right back up from underwater. This is similar to the issues that we push down it’s hard to hide the traumatic events that happen to us but we think that it is easier to push it down. However, no matter how hard that we try, the problems always rears its ugly head. As hard as it may seem we need to face our issues because avoiding the issues only delays our healing. Don’t allow your issues to be like the beach ball. Take the courageous step of facing your pain in order to obtain the healing that God has for you.