Hidden Pain

I feel that during my life I have experienced some pain that is indescribable. It is actually something that I do not want to talk about particularly because this pain that I feel is hidden.  The thought of the pain is enough to make tears well up in my eyes. The lack of trust in my life has led me to feel that I did not want to share this pain. There have been times that I did share and I was almost dismissed or the person would change the conversation and they would simply take about themselves. This pain was something that basically festered on my insides. It was something that is hard to deal with on a daily basis. No matter what has happened in my past, I am expected to have the ability to function in everyday life. I am expected to flourish even though I have had experiences that are unspeakable. Those feelings of pain have taken me to some dark places. I never told anyone about this hidden, dark place when I would frequently go to this place. God had to step in order for me to completely rid myself of this dark place.  The dark place was alcoholism, depression, feelings of suicide, and a few other places that I did not want anyone else to know.  I wish that I would have never been raped and that I would have never been in those dark places and had to go through the hidden pain. However, I thank God that I this hidden pain was exposed and that I no longer have to carry the pain with me through the rest of my life. I thank God for being with me on this journey to a rape victim survivor.

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